Happy Birthday Tom!!!

Happy 33rd birthday Tom!! Man we're getting old!! I can't believe we met when I was 18 and you were 21!! I love you so much, and here's 33 reasons why:

1 You are my best friend
2 You are an awesome father
3 You gave me 2 beautiful kids
4 You always put me and the kids before yourself
5 You are very generous
6 You honor your priesthood
7 You married me in the temple
8 You eat my food!
9 You are very considerate
10 You are a great son
11 You are a great brother
12 You always try to do the right thing
13 You have seen me in my worst moments, and love me anyways
14 You laugh with me
15 You've cried with me
16 You work hard to support our family
17 You gave me shots when we did In-vitro
18 You held my hand, and didn't leave my side when the kids were born
19 You have cleaned up gross things that I can't( You know what I'm talking about - Mesquite!)
20 You kill spiders and nasty bugs for me!
21 You can reach the tall shelves in the kitchen
22 You can make me laugh when I'm in a bad mood
23 You are very supportive of my crazy ideas
24 You love our kids, and make then laugh
25 You take us on fun vacations
26 You are a happy person
27 You are a good friend
28 You get along with my family
29 You make the worlds best mashed potatos!
30 You are sexy!!!
31 You change poopy diapers
32 You take out the garbage for me
33 YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!
I love you so much! Happy birthday!!!

Memories

So, I went to the doctor yesterday for an annual exam (you ladies know what I'm talking about) and it brought back all kinds of mixed emotions. I love my midwife, she's awesome. We were like old friends just sitting around talking, except for the fact that I didn't have any pants on, but thats besides the point! Anyways, we were talking about life, and everything else, and she asked me what my plans were on having more kids. Now, this is a very touchy subject for me. She has been there for me for the last 8 years, and she herself has also struggled with infertility. I honestly didn't know what to say. I will be 30 in a few months, and I wanted to be done with having kids by then. But, there's something inside of me thats not ready to say I'm done. Now, I know that some of you might think that hey, I've got 2 kids, what the hell is wrong with me? I LOVE my kids. I thank Heavenly Father every single day that he has blessed me with them. I love being a mom. But is it too much to ask for one more, or is that selfish? Carleigh has been asking me for a sister, and I really want her to have one, but my body is broken, it does not work the way its supposed to. As I sat there talking to her, I remembered all of those times I had been in that office, and hearing the words, sorry not pregnant, try again next month. Lets up your dosage of clomid......etc. I remembered all of the times I drove home crying, hoping I wouldn't get in an accident. But then, I also remembered the times I went there, and found out I was having a girl, and then a boy, and seeing my babies ultrasoounds. I know I sound bi-polar at this point, and I've been rambling, but I just needed to vent. I need to make peace with my infertility issues, but the fact of the matter is it hurts. Even after 2 kids, it hurts. Hearing about your family and friends, and complete strangers, it hurts. So, I left yesterday with my mixed emotions, and a hug form Karen(my midwife) and once again, I cried all the way home.